Writings

Sweet Destruction Extended Scenes

Chapter 40

-Walker-

We got up the stairs and into the apartment in record time, our shoes splashing on the wet concrete. The apartment was dark but warm, the A/C blowing out stale, mucky air. It didn’t matter much. I didn’t need light or cool air or damned near anything. I had everything I needed right here with me.

Sam went ahead, linking her fingers with mine. Like electricity, the touch shot through me, making me weak. My heart pounded like a drum and my pulse picked up, speeding out of control. Anticipation and wanting and damn near every need I ever had for Sam hit me like a semi.

As soon as we walked into the dark living room, I slipped my fingers out of hers and circled them around her wrist instead. With one tug, I swung her around.

I needed to touch her. Look at her. See her smile to prove this was real. Nothing good had ever happened to me. I walked a path of destruction all the time. How did I know I wasn’t doing that now? How did I know that bullet hadn’t hit me and I was still lying on the airstrip, bleeding out and drifting away, somewhere in that space between heaven and hell? Seeing the angel that had always been with me but knowing I couldn’t follow her to where she was going?

“You okay, Walker?” Sam asked in a soft voice, taking a step toward me, her wrist still in my hand.

I wanted to drop to my knees. Swear to give her anything and everything, including my life. My soul. Every last drop of my being. But I was who I was. A thief. A lowlife. I took and gave nothing back. I always got what I wanted and right now I wanted her.

“I’m not finished, Sam,” I said in a hoarse voice, pulling her to me. “I might have told you I loved you but I’ve got a million things left to say and only one thing I want to do to you.”

“Only one?” Sam asked sweetly as her body pressed against mine, driving me fucking insane.

I smiled a wicked smile, my gaze dropping to her gorgeous mouth. I remembered it on my dick, going down on me in my car. Need overrode my better judgment. I tightened my hold on her as I lowered my head, my mouth inches from hers.

“Oh, I’ve got a million things I want to do with you but let’s just start with number one.”

I seized her lips, getting what I wanted. Demanding what I had to have. Sam leaned into me, a small mewing sound escaping her that I would never get tired of hearing. I wanted to hear it when I licked her nipples and again when I sank deep into her. I wanted to hear it in the middle of the night and early in the morning, when I made her come again and again.

I wanted to hear it forever.

Her clothes were soaked and her hair was dripping, wet against my arm. I slipped my tongue into her mouth and reached under her shirt, my fingers touching the warm, bare skin of her hip.

Without breaking the kiss, I backed her further into the room, so fucking happy that Bent had taken off and Lukas wasn’t hanging around. I wanted Sam in the bedroom now. Or maybe the bathroom. It was closer. Or better yet the living room floor. It was right here, for Christ’s sake. But the truth was I really didn’t care where I had her. I just wanted her.

And apparently, she felt the same.

Her mouth was frantic on mine, eager to have my tongue against hers. Her fingers disappeared under my shirt, her touch sending fire through me.

We hurried, unable to get enough of each other. Desperate to have more. I yanked up her t-shirt, gripping the wet material in my fists and almost ripping it. With one tug, I pulled it over her head, breaking our kiss only long enough to get it off her. I flung it to the floor, still backing Sam toward my bedroom.

I took her mouth again, this time with more urgency and less tenderness. I didn’t want to hurt her, but damn I couldn’t slow down.

She met me willingly, her own fingers going to the buttons of my shirt. As she undid them, I didn’t touch her with anything but my lips, backing her further into the apartment. It was hard not to put my hands on her like I wanted. It made me sweat and grip my fists tighter, itching to skim my fingers along her skin and touch what I never could have. But I wanted Sam to feel in control, let her know that she owned me.

As soon as the last button on my shirt was undone, she pushed it off my shoulders, letting it drop to the floor behind us. Her hand went to my stomach, flattening against the muscles. Her fingers were cold against my overheated skin. Burning me. Tempting me to lose control. That’s when I finally touched her, my hands going to cradle her face, my fingers slipping into her damp hair.

Now it was my turn to moan. Her bare stomach nudged against me, her tongue slipping into my mouth.

We were halfway across the living room, both of us half undressed and crazy with need, when the back of Sam’s legs bumped into the arm of the couch. At the same time my knee hit the edge of the coffee table, catching me by surprise. I sucked in a breath at the pain then chuckled, my kiss gentle against Sam’s lips.

Sam giggled. God, she giggled – a sound she didn’t make often. It did something to me, something that made my heart pound even harder.

I grasped her hip, moving her around the sofa and toward my room with even more urgency. God, I couldn’t wait any longer.

I ran my tongue over her bottom lip before plunging it inside, swallowed up by the wetness of her mouth.

Her fingers found the button of my jeans and tugged, trying to get it through the tight single hole. When it wouldn’t budge, she groaned in frustration, her mouth still on mine. I wanted to whisper, ‘In a minute, sweetheart. We’ve got all the time in the world,’ but truth was I didn’t think I could wait a minute longer.

We were right outside my bedroom when I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to have her hand on me. I had to touch her where no one but me had ever been.

I let go of her to unbutton my jeans. As soon as I did, her hand was there, lowering my zipper quickly, brushing my own hand aside. A second later her hand was wrapped around my dick, right where I needed it to be.

“Walker,” Sam mumbled against my mouth, her hand moving just right.

“I know … god, do I know,” I whispered before dipping my tongue into her mouth, tasting her again. I got lost in the feel of her hand around me. It was … shit it felt good.

Coming to my senses, I pulled her shorts down with a jerk, her underwear going along with them. She stepped out of them slowly, her hand leaving me. I wanted to cry out in frustration but a second later her fingers were in my hair, pulling me closer.

I resisted, pulling back and letting my fingers drift over the bare skin of her stomach and still lower before dropping away. I wanted to see her. All of her. I wanted to see what was mine and would always be, if I had anything to say about it.

I took a step back, my gaze on her.

She was beautiful. God was she beautiful. Sam stood before me, naked except for a lacy, baby blue bra. I started to reach out and touch her again, wanting to just run my fingertips over her smooth skin, but I stopped. With my hand inches from her, I swallowed hard, my gaze drifting down her body and back up again.

I was suddenly scared shitless.

This was real. Her and I. If I missed this up … if I screwed up like I always did … shit, I couldn’t lose her.

I let my gaze drift over her again. I loved her. As long as I lived and breathed … as long as there was a heaven and hell, I would love Sam. But the question was – was it enough to protect her from me?

I didn’t have any more time to think about it. Sam took a step back, her eyes on me, unabashed with her nakedness. I took a step toward her like a monster that had cornered his next victim. Fire flared in me, the control I had slipping. My fingers itched to touch her, to slide into her, to feel her heartbeat against the pads of my fingertips. I licked my lower lip, dropping my eyes. Thinking about licking something else.

She took another step back until her back hit the wall.

“Come here, Walker,” she said, heat in her eyes.

I shook my head, my gaze roaming over her body. “No. I want to look at you.”

She smiled and bent one leg, keeping it tight against the other. Damn. That one movement had me hot, wanting to force her legs apart. But I made myself stay still.

“Take off your bra,” I demanded, my eyes sliding over the lacy material.

“If I do, will you come here?” Sam asked, raising one eyebrow.

I took a step closer. “Take it off,” I said again, looking pointedly at her bra and leaving no room for argument.

Sam’s lips tilted upward in a seductive smile. It almost had me saying “Screw the bra” and throw her down to the floor instead. But I resisted, wanting to draw this out as long as I could stand it.

With her eyes on me, Sam unhooked the back of her bra and let it fall to the ground at her feet. “It’s off. Now what—”

I was on her within a second, capturing her mouth with mine and stopping what she was about to say. Her hands flew to my wrists, surrounding them as I grasped her face and held it still for me. My tongue swiped across hers and my dick nudged her stomach, desperate to be inside her. Aching to feel her around me.

I became a madman, needing her. Wanting to show her just how much I loved her. I grabbed the back of her thigh, lifting her leg up and opening her body for me. But at this angle, with her being so short and me being so tall, there was no way I could bury myself in her.

Instead I wrapped my arm around her waist and lifted her up. As soon as her legs were around my waist, I couldn’t wait any longer. I thrust forward, the tip of my dick finding her opening like it was calling it home.

Sam cried out as I buried myself in her. Her body clenched mine, the walls of her opening squeezing just right. As soon as I was as deep as I could go, I stilled, holding her against the wall with my body. I could feel her pulsate around me. In that moment we were one. Nothing could come between us. And I know that nothing in this world would feel as good or as right as me inside Sam, loving her.

I held her against the wall and started moving, slowly at first. Sam reached up and pulled my head down to her, her fingers fisted in my hair painfully. Her lips met mine as I moved in and out of her, pulling completely out before thrusting back in.

I reached between us for her breast, rolling her nipple between two fingers, causing her to moan and squirm against me.

“Tell me,” Sam said against my mouth, her body moving against mine.

“Tell you what?” I asked, panting as I increased the pace, moving harder and faster. Wanting to make her come like never before.

“Tell me that you love me,” Sam said, her voice almost impossible to hear over the roaring in my ears.

I withdrew and thrust back into her, making her tremble against me. As her wetness slid over me, marking me as hers, I pushed her hair back, putting my mouth against her ear.

“I love you, Sam,” I said, withdrawing then thrusting back into her. “I love the way you feel in my arms.”

I tweaked her nipple again then cupped it in my hand. “I love the way your breast feels in my hand. The way it reacts to my touch.”

I withdrew slowly, making her draw in a deep breath of air. Then when she whimpered, I plunged back into her, sending ecstasy from my core all the way to my extremities.

“I love the way your body clenches mine, like it doesn’t want to let me go,” I said, drawing out each thrust and withdrawal until it was pure torture for us both.

“And I love the way you smile when you’re up to something and the way you frown at me when I’ve done something wrong,” I added before kissing her lightly, my mouth brushing against her. “But more than anything I love your heart, Sam. Because you’re willing to give it to someone like me.”

Sam closed her eyes, trembling when I pulled out then sank back into her, making us both sweat more.

“You’re the only one that can have it,” she said, her voice no more than a rasp of air. “The only one that owns my heart.”

“That’s right. I’m the only one,” I swore with a growl, her words sending me over the edge. I slammed into her hard.

Sam threw her head back, crying out. I felt her orgasm ripple through her and it pushed me over the brink. I went faster, in and out of her. She bit her lip, making me want to suck it. Run my tongue over it. Feel it on me.

The thought made me crazy. I thrust deeper, feeling waves of ecstasy wash over me. When she whimpered and her body clenched mine, I came hard inside her, emptying myself in her depth.

A tremor shook my body like never before. I groaned, dropping my head to her shoulder. When her fingers became gentle in my hair, pushing my dark strands back, I lifted my head. Heat and love and so much more stared back at me from her eyes. I pushed her hair behind her shoulder and leaned closer, kissing her. I wanted to put all my feelings behind it and show her with actions instead of words how much I loved her. But I went cold when I felt wetness on her cheeks.

“What the—” I said harshly, pulling away to see her better.

Tears. There were tears on her face. Fuck. Sam was crying.

Feeling desperate and a little bit frightened, I tightened my hold on her waist and reached over to open my bedroom door. With her legs wrapped around me and me still nestled deep inside her, I pushed open the door with my shoulder and crossed the room in two strides, her in my arms.

It was dark, the shades on the small window closed tight. It created a sort of safe haven. Somewhere no hell could touch us.

The room was also cooler – much cooler than the living room. The ceiling fan was on full blast, sweeping Sam’s hair around my shoulders and drying the sweat and raindrops still left on our bodies.

I carried her to the bed and lowered her to the mattress, following her down. She kept her legs wrapped around my waist, refusing to let me pull away even as I slid from her.

“Sam? God, did I hurt you?” I asked with fear, gazing down at her and still seeing those damn tears.

I pushed her damp hair off of her forehead, waiting for her to answer, but in my mind I ran through every move I made. Every touch I had given her. I usually wasn’t one to give a shit if a girl cried or not – my heart had always been hardened to it - but seeing Sam cry was like an arrow through my heart, breaking it in two and creating one fucking big hole.

Sam shook her head and reached up, wiping a stray tear away from her cheek. I had known her long enough to know when she was lying, and she was lying right now. My eyes flicked over her face and down her body, looking for evidence that I had hurt her. A bruise. Some reddened, marred skin. Anything to prove I was a first-grade asshole.

“Sam, fuck, talk to me,” I grumbled, my brow creasing as I held my weight off her onto my elbows.

She sniffed and shook her head again, avoiding my eyes. Avoiding me. A shiver ran over her skin, despite the heat radiating from my body.

Crap. She was cold and here I was, an asshole.

I swore under my breath, frustrated and freaked out at her silence and pissed at myself. I grabbed a fistful of the sheet and tugged, yanking it from its elastic hold on the mattress corner. It snapped up and drifted toward us, a white cloud in the darkness. I flung it over our bodies, cocooning us inside the cheap cotton.

Rolling to my side, I took Sam with me, tucking her against my chest. Her black hair lay against the sheet, an inky darkness against the stark whiteness.

“Sam,” I repeated, touching her chin and turning her face up to look at me.

The tears swimming in her eyes made me regret every single thing I could think of that I might have done to hurt her.

“God, I don’t know what’s wrong but I’m sorry. I’m so goddamn sorry,” I whispered, the words aching to say just as much as it hurt to see her this way.

Sam shook her head, brushing another tear away from her cheek.

“I was so scared, Walker. Scared I would never see you alive again. And I didn’t know what I would do if you didn’t return,” she said in a whisper.

The tears gathered in her eyes again, thicker this time. Seeing her like that – hearing her say those words – just proved to me that I was right where I was supposed to be. Where I had always belonged.

I pulled her close, my hand going to her back. “I’m here, Sam. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

Her nose pushed against my chest, her breasts heavy against me.

“I don’t have much to offer you,” I said. “A cheap apartment. A workingman’s salary. A bad case of addiction and a sorry excuse for a past. That’s it. That’s all I have. But it’s yours. Everything is yours, including me.”

I pulled away so I could look down at her, seeing the girl that had always held my heart. It just took me a while to figure it out.

“From the moment I saw you standing on that sidewalk when we were kids, you turned my world around, Sam. You drove me bat shit crazy most of the time but I knew there was something … something I couldn’t resist. Something I had to have to survive. Now having you here in my arms, lying here with me—” I gulped, unable to continue. Unwilling to say what I was so afraid to say.

Sam put her hand on my chest, right over my heart.

“It’s okay, Walker,” she said, her lashes thick with tears. “I was just scared and—”

I shook my head, needing to tell her. Wanting to spill everything and leave nothing to chance.

“All those days and nights. All the shit I did. In the back of my mind, I thought of you. You’re all I wanted, Sam. All I dreamed of. You were just out of my reach. I denied it to myself every single time I was around you. I lived a lie. But I’ve loved you from the beginning and I’ll love you till the end.”

I leaned over, pressing her back against the mattress and capturing her mouth again. The kiss was gentle. Sure. Making me complete, and the feeling of her under me, like heaven.

“The end?” she whispered against my mouth, her leg moving slowly up mine.

“The end,” I said. And I meant it. Every single word.

I would love her to the end.

The end of eternity and beyond.

Epilogue

-Walker-

One Year Later

I stood in our bedroom and surveyed the mess I just made. There were rose petals everywhere. On our bed. Our dresser. The floor. I had covered the room in them.

All for Sam.

I had done what my dad never did for my mother. I gave the woman I loved more roses than she could count, filling our room with them. Telling her with mauve-colored blooms just how much she meant to me.

I lit a candle, careful not to blow out the flame when a ragged breath escaped me. I was scared to death. A mess. A bundle of fuckin’ nerves. I had never been this nervous before in my entire life. Only Sam could cause this kind of feeling in me.

I got out of classes early today, skipping my last one to do this. Bentley had helped me set it all up then took off, but not before slapping me on the back and telling me good luck. I had asked his approval on this and he gave it to me with a warning. “Hurt her and I’ll kill you.”

I scowled, thinking of Sam hurt. My response to Bentley had been sure and quick, spoken from my soul. “If I hurt her, Bent, I’ll hand you the damn weapon because I don’t want to live knowing I hurt her.”

Bentley was happy after hearing that.

I took a deep shuddering breath and checked my watch. Sam should be home from school any minute. I could almost picture her, walking out of the building, the sun on her face, smiling with her friends and talking about an upcoming test. She was in her second semester of college and loving every minute of it. Her plan? To be a grade school teacher in the low-income area of town. She wanted to help underprivileged kids, just like her and I had been. She hoped to give them what she never had – love and affection. A person who cared. And god, did I love her more for it. The woman never ceased to amaze me. Every day I watched her. I lived with her. I slept with her and woke up beside her. And I loved her more each day.

Life had never been better. For the first time in my life, I was content. Something had filled my heart that I had never experienced before. Not love, because I think it had always been there, lurking around the edges, waiting for Sam. Not desire because, hell, I had always had that for her. No, it was something else.

It was happiness.

For the first time in my life, I was happy.

And Sam was too.

Two days after I told Sam I loved her, she tracked down her mom. Ms. Ross had woken up in a motel room, unable to remember how she got there or how long she had been gone. She found used condoms and two passed-out strangers beside her. That’s when Sam’s mom hit rock bottom. She cleaned herself up, caught a taxi, and checked herself into a state-run hospital for addicts. Her mom was now on a road to recovery. She had a long way to go, but Sam was slowly getting back the mother she once knew from so long ago, one day at a time.

Me? I hadn’t touched a bottle in a year. The demons inside me didn’t run my life anymore. I filled my time working and going to school. At night I made love to Sam, never able to get enough of her body. During the day I counted the seconds, waiting until I could see her again. Each moment away from her was torture. Each second with her was heaven.

I glanced around our bedroom again, seeing the bed we made love in. Her clothes in my closet. My life as close to perfect as it could be.

There was just one thing missing.

“Walker? Are you home?” I heard Sam shout a second before the front door closed.

I turned, facing the open doorway of our bedroom. Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I waited, feeling excitement, terror, nervousness and love all at once. My fingers brushed against the little velvet box in my pocket as I said a prayer, hoping I would hear the one word that would change my life forever.

Yes.

-Sam-

“We still on for tomorrow night?”

I shielded my eyes against the sun and glanced at Monique. Her light blonde hair was high in a ponytail, her bangs hanging in her eyes.

“Yeah. I need all the studying I can get for the final,” I said, holding onto the strap of my backpack as a group of guys walked by, probably seniors or frat boys by the looks of them.

Monique opened her mouth to respond but clamped it shut instead, turning and watching the guys walk away. She raised her eyebrows and whistled low in appreciation as she studied their asses.

“You’ve got a boyfriend, Monique,” I reminded her. “Behave.”

She smiled, facing forward again. “I might have a boyfriend, Sam, but so do you. The rule is we can look. We just can’t touch.”

Maybe for you, I thought. I wasn’t interested in looking. Or talking. Or even acknowledging other men. Walker had done something to me and I hadn’t recovered yet.

I hope I never did.

“Speaking of boyfriends, how’s Walker? You haven’t talked about him in, oh I don’t know…an hour?” Monique joked, glancing at her watch.

I stuck my tongue out at her as I moved out of the way for a guy on a skateboard passing between us.

“You’re just jealous,” I said after he passed by. “Green with jealousy.”

“True dat,” she said without any doubt. “Walker’s hot. Badass hot. I’m fucking lime green Jell-O I’m so damned jealous.”

I laughed, something I did more and more lately. I also smiled and damn if I didn’t giggle sometimes. I couldn’t help it. The feeling of happiness, of belonging, was new to me. I felt it when I was with Monique but I lived it and loved with it when I was with Walker.

Monique was like me – wild and just a little bit crazy. I met her during my first semester of school, World Lit to be exact. We had hit it off right away – her blue streak of hair threaded through her blonde tresses letting me know she didn’t follow the rules anymore than I did. We became friends instantly, both of us from similar backgrounds. It was still weird to say that – friends. I never had many friends growing up. My home life hadn’t exactly screamed welcome.

“Okay, this is me,” Monique said, indicating the parking lot across the street. “Go have wild monkey sex with Walker. I’ll catch you later.”

“Later, Monique,” I replied, giving her a short wave as she stepped off the curb and headed to her car.

As she left, I continued walking down the sidewalk, ignoring the noises around me. A stereo booming. A group of girls laughing. The sound of guys playing touch football in the common green area. This was college life. Different. Unique. Unlike where I grew up, with bullets flying and drugs changing hands on street corners. This was something I thought I would never see or experience. Something I had only dreamt of.

In front of University Hall, I glanced both ways then crossed the street. I kept my eyes open for potential trouble as I dug in my messenger bag for my car keys. It was an old habit I would probably never shake. The feeling of a potential threat was something that would never leave me.

Weaving between cars, I spotted the red Jeep. My pulse kicked up, remembering. I hadn’t wanted the Jeep, but Walker insisted on buying it for me. My cheeks burned as I remembered the fight that ensued. Walker had grown tired of worrying about me riding the city bus; I had insisted it was fine. We argued, him being as stubborn as always and me being bullheaded as usual. In the end, he had won and I got a Jeep, but it was the making-up part that took place in the bedroom that had been well worth it.

The Jeep wasn’t new but it was clean and had an engine that purred, thanks to Bentley and Walker. They thought it would be fun to put a salvaged, supercharged Hemi in my Jeep and I hadn’t argued. I didn’t deserve the two of them and everything they did for me but god, did I love them both so much.

I climbed into the driver’s seat and turned the key, thinking of Walker. Wondering if he was home yet. Wondering how quickly I could get my clothes off and his too.

The wind whipped my hair and tangled the silky strands as I turned out of the parking lot and headed down the main road, shifting smoothly. The sun was hot on the top of my head, the removed hardtop of the Jeep letting the beams in. I grabbed my sunglasses and put them on as the wind whistled around me and the vinyl seat started to grow hot under me. In minutes I left the campus behind, eager to get home. Desperate to see Walker again.

Eight hours. Five hours. One hour. Any amount of time was too long to go without seeing him. I had officially become that girl. The one that was love-struck and giddy. The one I would have rolled my eyes at a year ago. Sometimes I wondered what happened to that girl that used to be scared, pissed and angry at the world. The girl that used to be me. Sometimes this new world of mine felt surreal – this feeling of love and belonging, weird. But I basked in every moment of it and held onto every second of it.

Focusing on the road, I saw a streetlight coming up. I eased to a stop as it turned red, the bumper of my Jeep edging toward the white line as if antsy to go. Another car pulled up on my left, creeping up to the line also.

I glanced over, feeling that prickling of awareness. A black Mustang sat beside me. Old school. Early 90s if I had to guess. The guy glanced at me through the open passenger window, his eyes hidden behind dark aviator sunglasses. With a smartass smirk, he revved the engine, making it roar.

I pushed my sunglasses down enough to eye him over the rims, raising my eyebrow. He smirked wider and gave the gas another rev, his message clear. He wanted to race. Guess the guy recognized a supped-up vehicle when he heard one.

But this stranger didn’t know who he was messing with. I had a brother with an itch for speed and a boyfriend that had taught me how to drive like a pro. I could take this Mustang and leave him in the dust. No question.

I smiled a knowing smile and faced forward again, pushing my sunglasses back up. Just wait, dude, I thought, waiting for the light to turn green. My hand tightened around the steering wheel, waiting. Anticipating. Watching for that go signal.

One second. Two seconds.

Walker would kill me if he knew what I was about to do, I reminded myself.

But god, would I love the punishment.

The light hit green and I stomped the gas. The Mustang roared next to me, tires screeching and rubber burning. My Jeep did what it was built to do. It shot forward, the powerful engine working. I shifted down, keeping my eyes on the empty stretch of road in front of me. It was lined with dirty laundromats and questionable fast food joints, both catering to broke college students, but it was clear. Not one cop around.

The Mustang was at my side, staying neck to neck with me. We didn’t get crazy or hit outrageous speeds but the RPMs rose. We were racing in the middle of the day, for goodness sake. I did have my limits, as few as they were.

My hair flew around me, whipping into my mouth and across my eyes but I stayed focused, shifting as we sped up. Brown and blue and white buildings flew past me on the right while on the left, the black shape of the Mustang kept time with me.

A Cadillac pulled into my lane a few car lengths ahead of me, driving grandpa-slow. I downshifted and checked my side mirror, changing lanes only inches from his rear bumper. As soon as I passed him, I returned to my lane, meeting the Mustang nose to nose.

I kept my eye on the road but felt exhilaration in my veins. It was the same thing that drew Bentley. That consumed Walker. That I had grown to love. Speed. And there would never be a cure for it.

Up ahead was another stoplight, this one green. I stared at it, increasing my speed, hoping and praying it didn’t turn red so I wouldn’t have to slam on the brakes. I knew it would be our finish line, the last light on the strip of road, but at my speed stopping would be a problem.

So I hit the gas hard. My Jeep flew forward, the engine roaring and an extra burst of power kicking in. I was almost there when the light turned yellow, the color street racers saw as just another challenge.

I tightened my grip on the wheel, my black nails digging into the fake leather. The Mustang’s engine shifted next to me, going from one gear to another, trying to gain speed. Instead it made him lag behind.

I hit the intersection at top speed, leaving the Mustang behind. The light turned red with me still feet from it. My heart pounded, a bead of sweat popping up on my hairline. My focus was on nothing but getting to the white line under the light.

In my peripheral vision I saw the Mustang catching up to me but my Jeep was still faster. Smoother. Better. I passed under the swinging streetlight only seconds before the cross traffic entered the intersection.

And won hands down.

I smiled, feeling power and pride sweep through me, as I downshifted and eased off the gas, leaving the Mustang in my dust. Winning felt good. No, awesome. Winning felt awesome. If only Bent and Walker could see me now…

They would both kill me.

I checked my rear view mirror, the thought sobering me up. I could see the Mustang behind me. The guy gave me a short wave in acknowledgement and changed lanes, putting his blinker on to turn right.

But I didn’t have time to give him another thought. My phone chirped, catching my attention. With one hand on the wheel, I grabbed it off of the seat beside me and answered.

“Hi, Mom,” I said, keeping my eyes on the road.

“Hello, Sam. Are you on the way home?” she asked in her raspy, smoker’s voice, reminding me of the hard life she had lived and continued to fight to survive.

“My last class just ended. How’re you doing?” I asked, praying she was okay as I glanced over my shoulder and changed lanes.

My mom had good days and bad days. Days I found her curled into a ball in the corner of her bedroom, crying, wanting the release drugs or alcohol had once given her. Days I saw her smiling, happy to be clean and alive. Each hour was a struggle, each moment a fight, but I was finally seeing a glimpse of the woman I had known long ago.

“I’m fine, baby. We still going to dinner this weekend?” she asked, sounding normal and happy.

“Yes. Seven?” I asked, letting out a relieved breath as I turned the wheel onto my street and toward my apartment.

“Sounds good. I…” She hesitated, her uncertainty apparent even through the phone line.

I gripped the cell phone harder, growing worried. I could almost picture my mom frowning, her thick red lipstick drawing attention to the wrinkles around her mouth. Terrible thoughts invaded my mind, the traffic around me forgotten.

“Mom?” I asked hesitantly, afraid she was going to tell me she slipped and smoked something. Or slept with a stranger. Or drank a pint.

Instead she sighed, a heavy sound through the phone.

“I know I haven’t said this much, Samantha, but I love you. I just gotta say that. Love ya, kid.”

I swallowed hard, my chest tight.

“I love you too, Mom,” I said, driving on autopilot as her words bounced around in my head. They were words I would never get tired of hearing from her. Words that the kid in me yearned to hear long ago.

“And I’m so happy you’ve found someone like Walker, Sam. He loves you and he’ll take care of you, baby. I know he will,” she said.

I nodded, forgetting for a second that she couldn’t see me. Still on autopilot, I pulled into the apartment complex’s parking lot.

“I love him too, Mom,” I whispered, absently parking the Jeep in an empty spot near the front.

“I’m happy for you,” my mom said in a hushed tone, reminding me of the sound of sandpaper over old wood. “I really am. That man will love you until his dying day and then some more, Sam. Trust me on this.”

“I know,” I said, my heart pumping faster as I thought of Walker loving me that long. “I’m lucky.”

“You are. Hold onto him. I wasn’t sure at first because, well, the guy comes off as nothing but trouble, but he’s one of the good ones. I should know because hell, I’ve seen enough bad ones to last a lifetime. Right?”

I smiled, hearing the humor in her voice. “Well, you’re turning out to be one of the good ones too, Mom.”

My mom stammered, suddenly at a loss of words. “Well…I…thank you,” she said finally, sounding embarrassed. But a second later she cleared her throat, back to being her. “Enough of this mushy stuff. I better go and you gotta get home to Walker. I’ll see you later, Sam.”

“Bye, Mom,” I said before an end beep filled my ear.

I lowered the phone to my lap and took a deep breath, not seeing the apartment complex in front of me or the steps leading to our door. Instead I only saw my past. A past I had overcome but would never forget.

A past that had given me Walker.

I cut the engine and looked up, seeing the window to our apartment. I had lived a hard life, one that no kid should have to know. But I learned something from it. Something time couldn’t take away and money couldn’t buy. Strength. I was strong and resilient. I could survive the worst life threw at me and keep going.

But more than anything I learned that I could love.

The lights were on in the apartment, the living room curtain pulled. I glanced around, looking for Walker’s Duster. I didn’t see it in the parking lot but that didn’t mean anything. It could be parked in a dark corner or hidden between two large trucks. There was only one way to find out if he was home. Go inside.

I grabbed my phone and my backpack and climbed out of the Jeep, the drop to the pavement a long one thanks to the raised body and over-sized tires of my four-wheel drive Jeep. I shut the driver’s door and hit the alarm ‘arm’ button as I walked away, my focus on the stairs leading me home.

In minutes I was unlocking the door to the apartment and stepping inside. Cool air hit me as soon as I did, a welcoming relief after the warm day. A small lamp cast a soft glow over the living room, chasing away the shadows of the late day.

“Walker? Are you home?” I shouted, shutting the front door behind me then dropping my bag and keys on the floor inside.

No one answered but I continued on through the apartment, heading toward the closed door of the bedroom. Today marked one year since Walker had touched a bottle of alcohol. One year since we admitted we loved each other. I had something special planned tonight to celebrate…

I opened up the bedroom door, but then slammed to a stop. My breath left me. My heart ceased its beating.

The room – our room – was covered in rose petals. They were everywhere. On the floor. The dresser. The bed. Mauve petals rested everywhere.

And standing in the middle of them was Walker.

I opened my mouth then shut it, dropping my hand from the doorknob. Walker stood still, his hands in his pockets, his piercing gaze on me. Those black eyes of his were assessing. Analyzing. Wary as they watched me.

“Sam,” he said, his voice hoarse. Looking like a warrior about to face his greatest fear. One that might kill him. Destroy him.

Or love him.

“Sam, I—”

I narrowed my eyes, wondering what was going on, when he hesitated again. There was caution in his eyes and his body was tense as if he was ready to run away. It was as if…

“Sam—” he croaked in a broken voice, reaching for me.

That’s when I knew.

I let go of the doorknob and flung myself at him. He caught me against him, his words dying away as his arms circled my body.

I threaded my fingers through his hair and pulled him down, capturing his lips with mine. The kiss was gentle. Tender. So unlike the hatred that once haunted us.

He ran his hand down my spine to my bottom, bringing me closer to him and the hardness hidden beneath his jeans.

“Yes,” I whispered, loving the feel of him against me.

“Say it again,” he urged, his mouth warm against mine, his hands tight on me. “Say yes again.”

“Yes,” I rasped, just a hushed breath on the still air. “Yes.”

“And if I drop to my knees … promise you everything, beg you for everything … will you say it again?” he asked in a hushed voice, the words washing over me like cool water while his hands caught me on fire.

I didn’t hesitate and I didn’t pause.

“Yes,” I said. “For eternity.”

Promise Me Darkness Excerpts

Chapter Three

Pure hell...

Summers in Texas are hell on earth. You can't get away from the heat. It surrounds you like an extra layer of skin, bogging you down. Tonight that heat was full of humidity, making everything sticky. All I wanted was to get inside a cool bar and have a cold beer. A few more steps and I would be there.

I stayed close by Maddie as we entered the club. The smell of smoke and sweat hit us as soon as we walked in, reminding me of the dive back home where I usually hung out on a Friday or Saturday night. Drunk, angry, and pissed-off at the world for something...no, someone...I couldn't have.

Loud-ass music full of deep bass made the floor vibrate beneath the soles of my boots. We pushed through the crowd, trying to get to the bar. The place was packed, overflowing with a bunch of college kids trying to act cool and score.

I didn't let Maddie get more than a foot in front of me, afraid to lose her in the madness. Her hair swung gently between us, feeling soft against my forearms each time I bumped into her. I could smell the shampoo she used. Vanilla. Damn scent drove me crazy.

I was still lost in that smell when she suddenly stopped in front of me, waiting to get through the mob of people jumping up and down to the music like a bunch of kids hyped up on Monster energy drinks with a splash of Red Bull.

I bumped into her and, hell, that was bad. Her body felt perfect against mine. Too perfect. Damn. I was a mess and having her was the only solution.

Taking a deep breath, full of frustration, I got another whiff of vanilla. Shit. Calm the fuck down before you haul her out of here and slam her against the truck, taking what you want.

I closed my eyes for just a second, bringing myself back under control. I couldn't do this to myself or to her. I pushed the feelings away, deep inside of me where no one could see them and no one could touch them. We were both safer that way. When I opened my eyes again, I knew what people saw was a cold, hard man staring back at them. Just the way I wanted it.

Knowing Eva and Maddie couldn't smack this mob out of the way, I ran my hand gently down Maddie's arm, gaining her attention as I moved around her. Dark eyes looked up at me, the impact of them having the power to bring me to my knees. For the millionth time in my life, I looked into her eyes and knew I would do anything for this woman.

Keeping one eye on Eva and Maddie, I pushed my way through the drunk, pulsating crowd, making sure the two of them stayed safe behind me. Men backed away when I walked past, as well they damn better. The women stared openly at me, letting me know that I could be in their pants within seconds if I wanted. But I wasn't interested. There was only one girl for me.

At the bar, I leaned against the counter and waited for the bartender. I needed a beer. Quick.

"You look hot, Maddie," I heard Eva shout over the music as they stood waiting for me.

Hot didn't begin to describe Maddie.

Every emotion I ever had when I was around her rose up in me, almost knocking me on my ass. I ran my fingers through my hair, needing to do something with my hands before I grabbed her and just held onto her forever.

"Watcha having?" the bartender asked, opening a longneck and handing it to the chick standing next to me as he waited for me to order.

"Shiner Bock," I answered, pulling out my wallet and digging for some cash. "Maddie!" I called, motioning her over as I pulled out a twenty.

She turned, her innocence written all over her face. It hit me like it did every time I looked at her. I wanted that innocence. I wanted to take it, own it, make it mine. Maybe I needed a shot instead of a dang beer.

A small smile lifted her full lips as she walked closer. I wanted those lips on me. I wanted to taste them at least once. Reality was that I didn't deserve her. I was the devil. Being with me would just blacken her soul.

A big guy who was too busy talking to his buddies instead of watching where he was going bumped into Maddie, making her trip. I grabbed her elbow, keeping her upright, as she fell against me.

I wanted to go beat the shit out of the guy for running into her and for not apologizing but Maddie wouldn't want me to fight so I ignored the rage running through my veins.

"You want a drink?" I asked her, tapping down my anger.

Her brown eyes met mine, looking up at me like I was a goddamn hero for saving her ass from a drunk jerk.

"No, thanks," she said, smiling sweetly at me before turning to Eva.

Her friend caught my eye, giving me a knowing smirk. One day, I might ring that girl's neck but honestly, I liked Eva. She was super-protective of Maddie and that was a good thing.

We stood around watching the crowd for a few minutes. Lovers stood shoulder to shoulder with the lonely, making people-watching a favorite pastime of mine at a bar. People did some crazy shit when they were drunk or on the prowl. Can't say that I blamed them but tonight, I wasn't joining in.

Maddie's breast rubbed against my arm when the crowd pushed her against me. I chugged my beer, needing something to numb the heat racing through my body. A new song came on and Eva grabbed Maddie's hand, dragging her to the dance floor and leaving me alone.

As she walked away, I couldn't tear my eyes off of her. The view was amazing. The skin tight jeans showed off her butt, begging for me to put my hands on it. Those knee-high, fuck-me boots were...God...they were driving me crazy. A vivid image of her in those boots and nothing else burned in my mind. I could almost imagine what it would feel like to have her laying beneath me, those legs wrapped around me.

I took a long drag from my longneck, dragging my eyes from her boots up to met her eyes as she turned around to look back at me. The smile died on her lips. Oh, hell. I swallowed hard. I could see the fire in her eyes. Desire was reflected back at me. If she looked at me like that for very long, I might have to show her what two best friends could do together.

I watched as the crowd swallowed her up, taking her from me. Sitting my empty beer bottle on a nearby counter, I was about to head back to the bar when a feeling washed over me. I needed to watch her. I wanted to see her dance.

I pushed my way through the crowd to the edge of the dance floor. I could see her in the middle, her body moving to the sound of some old-school Beastie Boys remix shit that I swear was going to bust my eardrums.

I watched as she swayed her hips back and forth, causing her long hair to swing over her back, reminding me of dark silk that I wanted to grab handfuls of. One bare shoulder could be seen above her black shirt. 'Off-the-shoulder' is what Eva called it. I called it a dangerous-shirt-that-she-shouldn't-be-wearing.

When some jerk pushed his way between Maddie and Eva, I stood up straighter, my body going rigid. Eva moved back to Maddie, edging the big guy away. Good.

I was just beginning to relax and enjoy the view again when the same guy pushed his way between the two of them. Maddie was a scrapper but this guy was drunk and bigger than her. When his hand grabbed her arm, I saw red.

Within seconds, I was behind her, giving the guy a look that I hoped would make him shit his pants. Grabbing Maddie's waist, I pulled her back against me.

She turned, ready to do battle with whoever had their hands on her. Fear mixed with frustration covered her face. Crap! I had scared her.

"Come here," I said low and soothingly near her ear, never taking my eyes off of the jerk in front of her. I was really holding it together. I wanted to pound the stranger's face in but for her, I would behave.

The guy took the hint and left. Smart man. I tightened my hold on Maddie's waist and pulled her closer. I was here. She was here. The music was decent. Might as well dance.

I moved my hips back and forth, feeling her against me. Her eyes widened for a second before she lifted one corner of her lips in a tiny half-smile. To my surprise, she started moving too, rubbing her body against my crotch and driving me insane.

"Shit, I forgot what a good dancer you are!" I leaned down to whisper in her ear. Her hair tickled my nose and caught on the stubble on my chin. Yep, it felt like silk.

I almost lost what little control I had when she moved down my body, swaying her hips back and forth, touching me everywhere. God!

When she was dancing back up my body, I watched as her eyes turned dark, hesitation filling them along with embarrassment. As much as I loved to see her blush, I didn't want her to feel that way with me.

But there was one thing I wanted to feel. Her against me.

My hands moved down to her bottom, bringing her closer. Without thinking twice, I leaned down to whisper in her ear, "That was fucking hot!" But what I wanted to say were the words burning through my mind. Words that I could never utter to her. Words that scared me and I know would scare her.

We danced a few more minutes, her body rubbing against mine, making it hard to think. Hell, I could barely breath normal.

I wasn't sure how much longer I could do this. Acting like everything was normal was killing me. The sooner I left for the military, the better. I had to get away from her. She was my weakness and I wasn't sure I had the strength left to resist her anymore.

When the song ended, I walked away, leaving her with Eva. I needed a drink and maybe some distraction. Maybe someone to help me forget the feelings I had.

Because being in love with my best friend was pure hell.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

This is a deleted scene.
A memory.

"What do you think happens when people die, Ryder?" I asked, laying beside him on the hard ground. It was midnight. We had snuck out like we usually did and I was glad because I really needed to talk to someone tonight.

"When someone dies? I don't know. Why?" he asked, turning his head to look at me.

"Because I miss my mom," I said in a hushed tone, keeping my eyes on the dark sky above us.

I heard him let out a deep breath. "I think that when people die, their souls go to heaven."

"Yeah, but do you think they watch over us?" I asked, finally looking at him. Under the moonlight, I could see his profile. Messy hair, hard jawline, small cut on his lower lip from a scuffle at school that had landed him in detention. This was Ryder. To me, he was perfect.

"I don't know. I'm not sure I want a dead person following me around all the time, watching me. That's creepy."

"I don't think so. I think it's sweet. I think if you really love someone, you never really leave them," I said.

He stayed quiet, so I continued talking. "If I died, I would want to watch over everyone. Make sure they're okay. Maybe help them make good decisions. I would never leave them. Eternity seems like a long time to wait for someone you love to get to heaven."

"We're teenagers. We have a long time before we have to worry about dying."

I shrugged. "You never know."

Sitting up, I gathered my legs to my chest and wrapped my arms around my knees, hugging them. Rocking back, I looked up at the sky again, full of bright, twinkling stars.
"If I died, would you miss me?" I whispered.

He sat up and scooted closer. "Where is this coming from, Maddie?"

I shrugged. "Eva's grandmother died today. I went to the funeral. It was the first I had been to since my mom died. It just all came back - her funeral, all the people. Seeing my dad so sad." I met Ryder's eyes. "I was just wondering..."

"I don't like to talk about stuff like that."

"But it's just a question. Would you miss me?"

"Sure, I would. I talk to you every day. I spend more time with you than I do with my own brother. Hell, maybe my own family. So, yeah, I would miss you."

I smiled, knowing that was hard for him to admit.
"I'd missed you too, Ryder. I might die if something happened to you. Then we would have to hang out in heaven and raise some hell together," I teased, repeating what he always said when he was on his way out for the night, usually ending up in trouble.

He didn't find it funny. Picking up a blade of grass, he studied it closely.
"If something happened to me, you go on living, Maddie. You have a family. You have children. You go to school and get a good job. Get out of this small town."
He dropped the grass and stared at me with his blue eyes.
"I'll watch over you. I always have and I always will."

© Paige Weaver